you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
