Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
