You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
