The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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