Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you traded sex for a burrito?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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