Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
