I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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