Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I deserve this hangover.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
