she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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