Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
