do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
