I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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