my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
