You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Drake has all the answers
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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