What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
