i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come on in and take your pants off
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