I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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