PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
