plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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