I wish I could teleport
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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