Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
