Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
