hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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