I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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