Non-Jews are for practice
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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