what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
