i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
