Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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