I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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