did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
