i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
