Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
