I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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