there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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