if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
