so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
