she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
