His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
