i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
