we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
