I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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