Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
