THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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