How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
accomplished twins. life is a go
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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