On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
