please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
