I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
