Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
