Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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