he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
