She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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