last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
