U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
