I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
