no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
